We’ll admit it: we really wanted to like Tables. We liked the idea of enjoying classic European dishes in a gentlemen’s club-type setting. We’d even accepted having to pay through the nose for it if it was good. Unfortunately, for the most part Tables doesn’t live up to this promise. Instead, like the concept behind the tableside chefs, the whole experience is all flair and flash without much to back it all up. For starters, we were disappointed by the décor. Aside from some nice planks of wood on the walls, the whole place has a distinctly 70s hotel vibe. The wicker screens look cheap and the‘comical’ gargoyles in the corners are simply naff. Service is not much better: it’s certainly attentive but we quickly tire of the used car salesman-like attempts to peddle the most expensive things on the menu. Neither of these things would be the end of the world, nor would the B300 bottle of water, if the food was worth the exorbitant price tags. Trouble is it rarely excites the palate. Take the duck liver with a rhubarb compote as an example. The compote has a nice consistency but lacks the necessary tang to truly complement the melt in your mouth. The ingredients in the endive, walnut and Roquefort salad are all equally fresh but we really do want more blue cheese for B420. Mains are even less successful as the ingredients also disappoint. The tiger prawns with Pernod, saffron and bell pepper might be big but they’re almost tasteless, and we’ve certainly enjoyed better cuts of meat than the slightly small rack of Gippsland lamb. The accompanying vegetables, with the exception of the delightfully creamy mashed potatoes, are also nothing to write home about. And why serve a heavy, slightly greasy rosti (little potato pancake) as well as the mash? None of it is terrible but it should be much better than this for the price. In fact, that could be the mantra for it all: setting, service and food should be mind blowing, not blah. Especially when there are so many smaller restaurants out there doing something similar, better actually, and for a lot less. Corkage B800.
